primetime sunday

no, i haven't joined the waking the dead team, nor caused a stir in holmefirth by appearing as compo's long lost son, and clearly my audition for the lead role in monarch of the glen fell on deaf ears once again

on sunday 21 jan the beslippered nation had the chance to catch a little about otter farm





















i had a call a few days before broadcast saying Sir David had slightly mispronounced my name, and would i like it rerecorded...i'm not sure she quite appreciated how nice it was to have it mispronounced for once not by a sales rep, the chemist telling me my prescription was ready, some dullard at a work meeting, or intentionally by any one of my oh-so-amusing friends finding a new variation, but by a voice i've grown up with, spent thirty years listening to on many other lazy evenings - with my dad now dead, the many people i've shared houses with, and now my wife and little girl

putting you through

hello, is that CANON camera customer services?
yes sir, how can i help?
hello, id like to speak to someone that can tell me how i can get my camera repaired
certainly sir, please hold
*gets put through*
hello, id like to speak to someone that can tell me how i can get my camera repaired
certainly sir, how can i help
erm, id like to speak to someone that can tell me how i can get my camera repaired
certainly sir, whats the model number?
is that the number on the bottom?
yes sir
dsc f717
thank you sir, but i think that might be the model number
i can assure you its not, that's 16575762
ok sir, can you read it to me again please sir
dsc f717, and you dont have to call me sir
certainly sir, thank you sir
ok, found it now?
no sir, we dont seem to do a model with that number
but im looking at one
thank you sir, but we dont seem to do a model with that number
but im looking at one
so you say sir, but we dont seem to do a model with that number
but im looking at one
ok sir, you are sure?
im....sure
thank you sir, but we dont seem to do a model with that number
but...im....looking....at....one...and you dont have to call me sir
ok sir, and just to confirm you are sure that's the exact number?
yes
dsc f717?
yes dsc f717
could i ask sir to check that its exactly as written on the camera
yes.....*tries to control self*....'D'...'S'...'C'...'F'...'7'...'1'...'7'
thank you sir, that's exactly as its written?
YEEES
ok sir, thank you for your patience, I'll just check with my manager if you are certain its the canon dsc f717
yes, yes YES...that's what it says on the side...*tries to control self again*....'S'...'O'...'N'...'Y'...'D'...'S'...'C'...'F'...'7'...'1'...'7'
thank you sir, but 'S'...'O'...'N'...'Y' doesnt spell 'CANON'
no.....it doesnt does it...thank you for your help

*hangs up*

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